I'm obsessed with Clemence. Also I would love this to be my spring wardrobe. Anyone wanna lend me their credit card? No? Well in case that doesn't work out, I'm super excited for H&M's new 'basics' line. I loved the lookbook on their website.
Uggggggg! When can I take out my short skirts and sandals? I have a wonderful tan that is not too happy being concealed under pounds of sweaters and sweatpants. It's so sad to think that Friday morning I was sleeping on the beach and swimming in the crystal blue gulf water. New Jersey makes me so sad sometimes. But on a better note, tomorrow I will be starting my last trimester of high school. It's so surreal, I can't even believe it's all going to be over. What the heck is going to happen to all of us?! Well assuming I'm going on senior project, I only have about a month and a half of school left. Which reminds me! Prom is only a few weeks away, and I better get down on my dress. So excited! This one is definitely one of my biggest projects yet.
...I'll be waking up to catch a flight to Florida! Sun and my grandparents is exactly what I need. My grandma taking care of me, teal blue water, and fresh grapefruits every morning for a week! Oh, and my best friend ever, and some kid named Jonah are coming. Just kidding.
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
I think I'm on step 3....