the beginning

Today I got selected to display my first ever fashion piece in the display window of the fashion center! Its the first thing people see when they enter the department so it's a big deal. The garment was from our suit deconstruction project, where we took an old men's suit and redesigned it. The pieces will be put up in a few weeks... This is just the beginning my loves.

xo
t

come be my jersey girl

Wet air and stale dreams hung over me like the truth I saw in the distance. I know now why I live, and I’ve found its not to watch others die. I wanted to leave almost as badly as I wanted the rain to come back in unnatural masses. Only this way would the sound of drowning disappointment leave my head. If I could, I swear I would of run away that night. The small ach in my stomach has been increasing to a creature I don’t recognize, and am beginning to fear. I will keep my eyes fixated on the un-apologizing truth looming on the horizon. From where I’m standing it seems like the end of the world. I find myself running to get closer, only to seem just as far as I was yesterday. It’s like a nightmare, trying to escape what’s behind you and getting nowhere. I’ve found that in those dreams, the moment I turn around and face the monsters, my nightmare is over. 

xo

t 

high school

I was sitting in assembly, when I realized how close to the edge I was. When your caught up in four years of isolated moments you never realize how far ahead of you your life is getting. So as I was sitting among 200 or so other Solebury students, I took in the humid condensed air, and the sound of freshman obsessing or minute details of their social lives, and the look of drained eyes milling into the PAC. I was sitting by myself, and for one split second, I think I understood. It was something of a perfectly out of tune note of sound, smell, and look, as I took in one last deep breath full of life as I know it. As I exhaled, the reality poured out of me and the room was suddenly old, yet very unfamiliar. Something like a friend from years and years ago that you used to have a crush on, and then suddenly seeing them across the frozen food isle at Whole Foods.

I think it takes a new perspective to really appreciate something. Up until recently, I rarely found beauty in my world. I ignored the moments out of spite and not having enough time to stop and think. The trouble was that if you stop and think, epiphanies have a funny way of falling in front of you. Their right there, and in your way, and unavoidable.
If I've learned anything, its to stop and stretch a moment for all its worth. And as always with the best life lessons, a series of unintentional events had led me to that conclusion.

So sitting in assembly, I took a moment from everyone in the room. I cant imagine anyone else had claimed such an arbitrary moment in their Solebury careers, so I made it mine. It was exactly what I want to remember when I'm developing frost bite in November in Chicago, on my way to a six hour art class. I want to remember the buzz of 200 people I do actually know, and the smell of mold from the ex-athletic center, and the heat from an 80 degree day in April. I can't imagine I'll ever wish myself back in high school. But I will miss the way high school nurtured an unrealistic perception of people. The hardest thing is realizing that I can no longer ask one person to find out the complete dating history of another person. And its going to be hard to try and remember that not everyone tells the truth.

But it is definitely time to go. Isn't it the truth that as soon as you realize the value and meaning of a place in you're life, it becomes the time to leave. To be honest, anyone who gets all the understanding and love out of a place, and then stays because its easy, is overstaying their welcome. Not to mention not doing themselves any favors. I don't believe anyone who's truly alive, is ever comfortable. So here I am at the conclusion of my farewell monologue. I know why I went - and stayed - at Solebury. And now that I know, it's time for me to go, I wouldn't be doing the place any justice by staying. Maybe it's just my nature but I needed to go through the pain and heartbreak to get here. And to anyone who actually finished this, thank you! But more importantly, find those moments and take them. Because in the end, genuine inspiration doesn't come from photos, or fabric swatches, or even ancient history.

xo

t